Ladies Who Lunch

Greetings Sunshine(s)!
And welcome to the first entry of the many adventures of one Jared Hugh Django Orlin (esq) as he forays forthwith into depths not even chartered by the crew of Star Trek Deep Space Nine (so I’m a mini Trekkie – who are you to judge!?!?!?). And stuff…
I was expecting to do my first post from Taiwan but seeing as how I’m now officially a lady (lad doesn’t quite roll off the tongue) of leisure, I’ve discovered that Jared with too much time on his hands is a very dangerous thing. You’d expect that since leaving People magazine (your weekly glossy gossip fix; SA’s largest glossy gossip magazine etc etc), my brain would have reverted from its ‘marshmellow-like’ and be chock-full of more useful info like the visa application process for SA citizens wishing to teach Engwish in Taiwan (or, oh maybe, world news, I guess) but thanks to the E! network on satellite, methinks I’m more clued up that the staff of People, godblessem!
I SHALL NEVER EVER RETIRE!
Not that I ever thought I’d complain about not having to work (Allah forbid!) but it’s just that I have nothing pressing to do with my day. Except lunch! So now I’ve become a magazine feature – ‘Ladies Who Lunch’…Right now you’re thinking ag shame we should all have your problems so I shall cease this line of whingeing…asap!
This week two interesting things and vitally important things happened – I finished work on Wednesday and had a farewell partytjie on Saturday night!
Okay work first – I had expected to be an emotional wreck on Wed. I’ve become a bit of a teary bugger of late (possibly as a result of more fully embracing my not-so-masculine side; which apparently I never had; go figure!). So I was fully expecting to just cry my way through the farewell work lunch during soppy emotional speeches etc. Instead they asked me to make a speech, which I wasn’t prepared for and didn’t do very well. I think I said something about how I’d never managed to stay in a job longer than nine months and they should all feel quite special cos I lasted a year and 7 months! Trust me, that’s nearly a lifetime for me. I think it was very sweet and genuine. They didn’t seem to get it! Perhaps they thought I was being ironic. Or facetious. Or something. But I was winging it! Anyway, truth is that I turned out to be happier to leave than sad. So I kinda had to fake a little sadness for their sake, which I felt was expected of me. Somehow the Ally McBeal moment I had in my head of running around the building screaming, ‘Thank God, I can finally leave this evil place’ looked better on paper. So I chicken out and played ‘nice’. Okay so I did cry a little when saying goodbye to Chantell (production editor and a dear, dear person who I will miss terribly). We were outside having a smoke and exchanging soppiness and there must have been a dust particle in my eye at that very minute as it started to leak quite a bit. Anywho, they bought me a fabo healy-feely book about being in the moment (most useful as I’m always in my head largely and most of the time) and a card which everyone signed – and a t-shirt which everyone signed too, which I thought was an odd gesture as we produce magazine for a living, not clothing! After lunch I went home as Andrea (editor) kindly said I didn't need to come back to the office. I decided it was best not to argue with your superior.
The friends farewell was fun, despite the wall-to-wall presence of the under-18 brigade. However, after being suitably messed around by those bastardos at Café New York, I was just pleased to have a venue at all and not have to SMS 40 ppl at the 11th hour and say um, party moved! I learnt a few things during that farewell.
1) Hawaiian daiquiris are NOT your friend! In fact, anything blue is not your friend, unless it’s a Smurf.
2) Even if it’s a farewell party and the chances are high that you may not see that person again for a very looooooooong time, some ppl still will just not pitch; not even a phonecall or SMS to explain, just not show up. I know to expect this as I’ve thrown enough big splashy parties over years and you’ll always lose at least a third of your guests.
3) People always surprise you: Gina and Paul stayed almost till the end (they get big points!), Jeffrey stayed till the end, Debbie Webbie and Daryth and Rob arrived just before the end which was a treat and a divine surprise!
4) I’m too old to jol in places where 14-year-olds hang out. I kept saying that they should buzz off – and many a young’un got the evil eye from yours truly – but the truth is that we had invaded their territory.
5) I was too drunk to cry at my farewell. Actually it didn’t feel very farewell-ish, more like an excuse to drink lots, cos I’, a lady who lunches and will spend the next 12 days seeing everybody one-on-one, which is better!